A few months ago, I started a Bible devotion with a few friends because one of our dearest friends was given a severe cancer diagnosis that rocked us to the core. She’s young and vibrant and full of life. She’s a beautiful mother, wife and friend. At that moment everything stopped. She was effectively waiting to see what would transpire. All the while we were each searching for our God, that in our hearts we knew was real, but in our minds, we couldn’t understand.
We have faith. We proclaim healing. We believe it. We attend worship. We serve. We pray. We’re believers in Jesus Christ, our sovereign Lord.
But our hearts are hurting. We are angry and afraid.
With all the power and strength and might that one person can carry, we are calling down fervent prayer. We are willing, with all possible emotion and desire, for the protection and supernatural healing from heaven. We’re praying it would wash over her like fire and that it would save her and keep her here on this earth with us, with her family, with her husband and her beautiful daughters – forevermore.
But we also know that life is not always that simple. We have watched others that we love leave this life in an instant. Because we’re human, we see the reality of the mountain that lies in front of us and our hearts are hurting.
The devotion talked about finding hope in the darkness. Barbara Brown Taylor, wrote a great book called, Into the Darkness, where she examines God’s love in seemingly dark places.
She surmises that God is always in the darkness. He is the light and uses Genesis Chapter 1 to explain how light came from darkness. If this is true, then God may have been in the darkness all along.
If I grip that one fabric of faith, a small thread of hope, and I weave it through my life experiences, I can see that to be true. Over the years, as my faith has grown, I have taught myself to shift my view to see that God’s light is always there; even in very dark places.
There is always hope. There is always love.
In the Hope in the Darkness devotion, the the author speaks about waiting expectantly for the Lord. We wait for healing, wait for love, wait for protection.
We believe God’s timing is perfect. We understand that God’s plans are infinite and He knows the way that we should trust Him, His deeds and His word. Even when we can’t see Him at work.
I believe all those things to be true, but it is hard to stand in a place of pain and wait for the storm to pass. It’s hard to stand on the edge of the ocean, as the waves crash against your heart and soul, and stand there and smile and say, “This is good. Thank you. May I please have another.”
The devotion author writes about getting to know the Lord while we’re waiting. “Can I get to know you more, Lord, while I’m waiting?” That’s the perspective I had not considered.
A year ago this week, I lost my father.
In an instant, at 4:30am the telephone rang and the simple words I heard on the other side said, “Your dad is gone. His heart gave out.” That was it.
My world forever changed. Thousands of miles away my father was being worked on by paramedics and I slept quietly in my bed.
I realized that morning, as I sat in my kitchen, that I never got to say goodbye. Driving to work that morning, I realized the entire vault of knowledge and love and stories and hope that I had known was closed. I could never reach inside it again or ask it a question. It was forever gone to me. All I had left were text messages, pictures, letters, memories, and one old voicemail that I’ve played 1,000 times.
In those moments, and in the days that followed, I clung to my Bible. Not because I’m holy but because I had nothing else to cling to. It’s funny how God’s word becomes a life raft, a literal life raft you just hang on to. Sometimes, when I’m in that place I don’t even need to open it. I just hold it.
When I don’t know where to start, I place my hand on the top of it and I just pray that God would speak to me through it. Other times I sit with it, on the bathroom floor, my arms wrapped around it, holding on to literally like a life raft.
And so in this season of pain and fear and anger, I ask myself, “Am I getting to know the Lord while I”m waiting?” James 4:8 (NIV) says “Draw near to the Lord and He will draw near to you.”
Some days I don’t want to rest. Some days I want to shake my finger at the universe. Some days I want to take God out back and give him a good talking to. Some days I want him to come down and sit right next to me because I have a lot of things I need to say to Him. But when I’m all done, and I’ve yelled and screamed and stomped my feet, I want him to pick me up and say, “It’s okay sweet girl. I’ve got you.”
I don’t know what’s happening in your life today. I don’t know if you’ve been waiting for God to show up for a minute, a month or millennium. I don’t know, but I do know that all hearts are essentially the same. I would challenge you today that if you’re trying to find a little bit of hope in the darkness, you should ask yourself if you can get to know the Lord a little more while you’re waiting.
So today, I encourage you to sit down. Throw a tantrum if you want. Stomp, kick and scream at the universe. Then sit down on the floor with your Bible. Hold it next to your heart. Wrap your arms around it. Close your eyes and say, “Can I get to know you a little better today, Lord, while you and I are waiting for what is to come.” And His answer will most definitely be “Yes.”
All my love,
Danita