I grew up in the oilfields of Oklahoma, where the wind goes sweeping down the plains. In the summer, the wind is like an oven blowing shards of fire into your face. In the winter, it strikes with spite, never asking for permission. It takes every ounce of warmth as it moves on to the next unsuspecting victim. All your comfort withers away. I am forever changed by the winds of life. In the wind, I sometimes hear the voice of God as He whisper secrets about His most amazing love.
As a little girl, my childhood saw many difficult moments. Some nights real-life monsters stood outside my bedroom door. Sometimes they yelled. Sometimes they hit. Other times we’d be ushered to undisclosed locations where very nice people would give us food and clothes.
My teenage years were speckled with unhealthy choices and regrets. Despite those challenges, I worked hard, did very well in school and searched for a better life. At 18, I joined the military with the hope of creating a new story. I told everyone that I had a great sense of adventure. But truthfully, I was running away.
I ran away from my life, my family and my circumstances and sought a safe place to catch my breath.
The Journey.
My new life adventure began on the Portuguese archipelago, the Azores Islands. For 15 months, I traveled, drank way too much, worked hard and made a few life-long friends. I’ve forgotten many things. But I do remember the wind. Throughout my world travels, I’ve never experienced wind like the Azores.
For 9 months of the year, wind and rain encase everything in its sight. It’s so powerful and constant that in-processing briefings include warnings about the wind. Airmen caution newcomers to hold onto their small children to protect them lest they might blow away! I can only compare it to living in a constant tropical storm.
Years ago, I started a journey of healing and restoration rooted in faith and forgiveness. It was my own emotional storm. Not knowing it then but I was on a quest for freedom. You see, I am a warrior. I’ve served the United States of America for over 25 years as an active duty Airman, U.S. Air Force Reservist, DoD contractor and DoD civilian. I am a military spouse and a veteran but I will always be a warrior. Through my quest for freedom and my journey with the Lord, I now see freedom in a different way.
I see His passion for freedom. The passion that all men and women are to be free. Free from persecution, emotional pain, bondage and fear. He deeply desires that we would all experience the freedom of walking in His love, all the days of our lives.
The Cliff.
Today I’m standing on a spiritual cliff: one built on faith, fortitude, forgiveness and freedom. For years, God cultivated things in my life. Tended weeds, pruned dead vines and fertilized areas desperate for nourishment. And now it’s time to jump off the cliff. This blog is my jump. I don’t know where we will go on this grand adventure which awaits us. I know that He will catch us. I know that we will land on solid ground. I am trusting in His grace.
The Call.
This is the call He has placed on my life: to share this journey with you in hopes that you will find greater love, greater hope, greater joy and greater freedom in His grace. This is the journey, from faith to freedom and how to find God’s voice in the midst of the storm.
The Fear.
In my youth, I’d lay awake at night listening to the sounds of abuse on the other side of my bedroom door. There were times when I opened the door, believing I had to stop what was happening on the other side. But many nights I stood frozen and afraid. With my hand on the door knob, I wrestled between the call to intercede and the voice beckoning me to stay safely in the confines of my room. Today, I can still remember that feeling. It is the yearning to open the door all the while being frozen in fear to face what lies ahead. For the last few months I stood afraid and frozen in fear. Standing on the inside of my spiritual room, I’ve been too afraid to open the door. God’s love has resonated inside me for a very long time. My hope is that together, we can find amazing love and amazing grace: that same amazing grace that saved a wretch like me.
The Door.
Today I open the great door of hope to discover what’s on the other side. I believe there are promises which God has laid out for us. Today, I know if we walk in His grace and His love, then His light will shine and the Gospel will endure. I know there will be days of trial and strife. As we cross the River Jordan there will be monsters to face and giants to fight. Those battles are for another day. Today we celebrate all that He is and all that He has done.
” I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt.” Hosea 2:15 (NLT)
My prayer for you:
I pray today, in some small way, you open this great door of hope. I pray you will decide today, as I have decided, to jump off of your proverbial cliff and take one small step towards the life that God has laid out for you.
Together, we will share and enjoy God’s most amazing love adventure!